I couldn't help but wonder which planets aligned to give me so much grief or what Goddess I pissed off but this last week has been an at all time EPIC of emotional havoc. Is this just me?? I mean life off the charts stressful. Work has been stressful. Home has been stressful. LIFE has been stressful.
Like I would literally barter for a haircut or massage and I'm not gonna lie (Don't judge me), I looked at my family and pondered the thought but like I would literally trade a chicken (and I LOVE my chickens) to go to a salon and another to sooth away my body for an hour long massage. Just to get away from everything and forget life for awhile. I needed escape.
Now, when I had my 185th nervous breakdown this week on Thursday after playing my favorite game of "check off the to do list" with a side of GETTING bombarded by updates/conflict/media....totally blowing my previous intention to "turn off the drama and media that freaks me out and fill me with fear and wanting to hide in the fetal position" ...I had previously made a decision to NOT partake in the conversations or articles or videos that are all one sided to the senders views on our current situation. Listen, I still love all my family and friends and honor and respect ALL however in an effort to protect MY own peace and mental well-being-I have to ignore ALL of it, right now. So instead of all those videos and articles-send me funny videos (wear I literally wet my pants), pics of your pet, kindness acts, and recipes for the crock-pot, OK:) THAT is what I like to see!
BUT, I let ALL the negativity and fear ..get to me-because well-that shiznit is everywhere and unavoidable at many times and Thursday was my breaking point.
I had to literally throw dinner on the table, run up to my bedroom to lay in bed and release all these emotions. I could not carry them with me, I knew it my heart they MUST be released. I grabbed the 3 oils that called to me (well I think they were screaming at me): Release, white angelica and forgiveness. I oiled up, and cried for about a century. Then I played one of my favorite Wayne Dyer meditations while I slathered in white angelica, joy, harmony and valor. I woke up Friday -listened to another meditation, slathered more oils and read my affirmations. Doing so, I was able to create the energy and love to carry on my duties for that day, still in awe on how or why this weeks events affected me the way they did...and still had a little baggage in the carriage...
Friday afternoon, I had shared my despair with a friend, not to drag her into the depths of hell but because SHE is one of those friends, who will listen, offer gentle support and a solution. She is also same friend whom also calls my ass out on my own shit when its needed-I am so grateful for having a friend, like her.
EVERYONE needs one of those people in their life, if you don't have one-FIND ONE.
Anywho, I made the decision to leave my family Saturday morning to get some ME time (after working all week, having my family witness my train wreck moments of tears, screams and WTF moments with a laundry list of shiznit that should be done, needed to be done, and the family who needed and craved my attention) I told mom guilt to step aside and I told the kids momma was going on a time out. My 13 year old compassionately asked me "Are you going to see a therapist"?
Um, sorta, yes. Nature and my BFF is what I need to re-ground myself. So yeah-I'm going to see my therapist!
I took the 45 minute drive, listening to audible and drove to said friends backyard.
As I was listening to a killer book on Audible (on the drive-knowing the Universe gives you what you need), I realized that this is just another friendly reminder from the Universe that in THIS life - no matter how much you work on yourself (ex personal development, meditation, etc.) that there is always opportunity for GROWTH.
She nailed this on the head when she spoke to me "The universe wants you to GROW and BLOOM into the most GLORIOUS version of yourself, this happens through friction and challenge and the lessons we learn through these experiences".
I arrived at my destination and knew I was in the right place at the right time. The sun on my face and light breeze was refreshing to my soul. Coffee in hand, feet in the grass, said friend at my side (yes 6 feet apart) As I gazed into the beautiful trees, witnessed the chickens and ducks wondering about and the beauty that surrounded me, focusing on the moment (Carpe diem) and feeding my light. Again, slathering more oils-this time Grounding and Transformation were the 2 key players.
And you know what? Life did not change magically overnight-but I felt like me again and realized a few things.
The oracle card I pulled was the Luminous Warrior who reminded me to focus on MY power, wisdom and beauty. He encourages me to AVOID keeping my focus on what is wrong in the world (or me) and to instead remember that intention follows attention -so focus on the positive traits of myself and the world. And, to feed my light with more light-until I truly feel empowered. This will then allow for little need for action, as I resolve from within.
We chatted about how the Universe sets us up-not to harm us but allow us to handle the next experience and how even the painful ones are setting us up for something bigger to happen in our life. EVEN when we do not understand the WHY at the time.
We listened among the peaceful nature, to what was being said to us from our divine intuition. The more we step away from the noise and chatter from what surrounds us and Tune IN to our own intuition, surround ourselves with like-minded people who get it-the more at peace we become, the more love we have to give and the more open e become.
I left with peace, love and an inner knowing that I am mastering these life lessons as I should (and those I don't master-I am grateful for the Universe to send me those gentle reminders on doing so. I allowed grace to overwhelm me knowing when I return home-to life to work, I GOT THIS.
Where do you find your peace?